So, an update...right.

My car broke down just after Mother's Day and due to a series of unfortunate events, it is still broken.  I can make it to both the Walgreens and Sara, B's and Chel's house (and back) with out incident (not in the same trip, mind you). Due to this and a few other things family and job wise going on, I have felt more keenly my depression than I have in some time - and therefore am consistently inhaling everything in sight. Normally that wouldn't effect me so much, and after a while I'd reign it in and feel fine, but this time it just seems different. For one, I can actually feel the difference. I've always been able to tell if I've gained even 5lbs because of my energy level and all, but this time I just actually feel all...squodgy. I can't really get to WW because of the car situation, and truth be told I was not satisfied with the results I was getting this time around either. To be fair, I was not working the plan to it's full extent, and was being rather slackass about the whole thing...but come on, an avocado cannot be THAT many points. Anyway...because I'm on the monthly plan, I'm still getting  a monthly charge (that I like to refer to as  a"Fat Tax") to my account until I get my car up and running.

Here's the thing: I LOVE THIS PLAN. I have always, always, always, even in my most slack ass of slackassery LOST WEIGHT ON WW. 

Therefore, I am not ready to give it up yet.
What I'm going to do is dig around and see if I still have my old Points Slider, and work on the old plan. I may actually go Core/Filling Foods, just because I don't actually know how much I weigh at this point.

I also need to find more time in my day. Lately I have been so bored/depressed etc (and more so because someone very special to me is out of the country currently. I swear, you do not realize how much you care about someone, or how much that person affects your every day life until they aren't there.), that I literally just zone out and play the Sims2 (or find some other mindless task) forever ...bad bad habit. Changes to be made.

 With summer starting up and Independence Day tomorrow, I've been thinking often about my Dad - and an idea came to me. Ever since I was a kid, I've not been the best self starter where it comes to my own life - and I suddenly remembered my Dad's Lists. Dad used to professionally print up lists for me when I was a kid. The two I remember the most were the "Getting Ready for School" list and the "Cleaning Your Room" list. Very simple, just a list of things I needed to complete. In remembering this I realized, I still list. I always have a To-Do list going on. In my journal I have lists of books I've read, a list of movies I've watched , a list of kitchen supplies I want, a list of things for my apartment  I want to get , a Bucket List, and Reasons I Want to Get To A Healthy Weight/Size List. I want to basically make myself a list of things I want to accomplish in a day. Everything from flossing to studying my Bible to writing and studying German. From this list I want to make a basic schedule. I just want to take better control of my life, because I just don't think God wants me sitting around playing Sims on my off time.

As for this weekend, it's been pretty nice. I did sloth around quite a bit on Friday.  Yesterday I spent the day with Sara, Brittany and Chelsea. Sara and I went to the Library (its becoming a Saturday tradition, because we HAVE to turn in the movies we rented the week before, and we get the Sunday paper -nothing like getting a leg up on the cupins! (coupons, I know, but it's WAY more fun to say cupins!). I got to spend some time with Jakey Pancakey and Misty -lots of laughs, and more toe-bruises on my upper thigh from Jakey (we have a game where he stands on my legs and we do this "EaARrTH SsHhAaKkEe!" and he tries not to fall over. When he digs his toes in, I usually get a bruise. Not a game we play for very long!). Later in the day Brittany, Issac, Sara and I BBQ'd. I love these people so much, they really are family to me. I never feel like I have to pretend to be someone with them. They know me, I know them and we accept each other wholeheartedly. I love them, forever I love them! <3

Today I've got a bit of the sniffles, so (after doing a quick scrub of the house) I've been kind of laying around reading the 5th Harry Potter book. I'm trying to get them all read before the 15th. Being I'm nearly done with this, there is no doubt in  my mind I'll make it. I also have a stack of German movies to watch this week too. It seems all my library holds came in at once.
Tomorrow I'll be hanging out with Aunt Syl and Lisa where we're going to sit on a beach on the Island and watch my Daddy's company's professional firework show. I am looking foreword to this immensely.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and a Happy and Safe Independence Day!

Blah...I have a lot to talk about ...but not alot of time. I'm going to try to do a real update tonight after work at some point. Going to also make this more of an every day life type thing too. Thanks for hanging with me!

Busy, busy busyyyy

Sheesh:

Well....

Here's a sample of some of the better things I've eaten recently:

I'm also looking at doing dairy and organic produce delivery...will report back if that happens.

This week's fitness:

Tuesday, Oct 12th - 3.14 mile walk
Wednesday,  Oct 13th -45 minutes strength training
Thursday, Oct 15th - 3.14 mile walk
Friday, Oct 16 - 40 minutes strength training
Sabbath - Off for rest
Sunday, Oct 17th - 3.14 mile walk
Monday, Oct 18th - 35 minutes
Tuesday - Today, Oct 19th - 3.14 mile walk



As for devotional life, I'm slowly working my way through a new series that I would highly reccomend.

CHECK. IT. OUT.

It's by Clarence and Diana Schilt and the series is "How to Die Right & Live to Tell About it". It is AMAZING.  Seriously, check it out if you can!! It's helping me like crazy. They came out our church last Sabbath and did a mini - seminar, and it's really helped open my eyes to a few new things.

busy busy busy....;

There is a season - turn, turn, turn. And a time for every purpose under heaven

I'm a big fan of changing one's life to make it better, and a fan of big ideas. More often then not it turns out that I have a big idea...but not much "change" in my pocket. This year, at a New Years party with my best gal-pal Heather, we coined 2010 the "Year of No Fear". I have to say, entering into September, it's worked out pretty well. I have stopped and thought before automatically saying "No" to things that scare me - and instead said "yes." My life has changed quite a bit in the past 9 months, and I am quite happy with it.

That being said, it could be better.

My life is lacking in direction, but I can see the glimmer of it shining just past my reach at the moment.

So here is the (New and IMPROVED!) plan.

Who?
ME!

"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who fees too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promised ans breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self controlled masterful tyrants whom I also harbor and how would rob  me of my human aliveness, humility and dignity, but for my fool"
-Theodore I. Rubin M.D.

What?
A personal crusade to help me rescue my life from a mind-numbing, butt-groove- in -the- couch -melding pit of mediocrity

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage"
-Anais Nin

When?
September 25th I am getting baptised!
Since this this is a time of "rebirth" I'm going to use it as such. I'm going to give myself a year to turn around. I'm not saying I'm going to hit peak and perfection at that year mark, I'm just using it as a good goal date.

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13


Where?
Physically-In an around Seattle (unless God takes me else where).
Emotionally- In the heart

"We are created by Love, to live in Love, for the sake of Love"
-Gerald May

Why?
Basically same reason as the "what". I need more of me in my life.

"If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more, to dream all the time"
-Marcel Proust


How?
There will be some major "themes" of change goals through out the year. In the days to come before my baptism, I'll be working on the specifics. The major themes will fall around my walk with Jesus, my health life, my life plan life,and my monetary life.
By the end of the year I want to feel more secure in my walk with Jesus, have a much healthier quality of life, have some sort of savings, and not feel like I am always out of money due to my reckless spending habits.

"In this world you will have trials and tribulations, but take heart and be of good cheer. I have over-come the world!"
-John 16:33

Also, I have been having some issues with "aloneness" and "being lonely" - this has been a big inspriation, so I thought I'd pass it along




So thanks for joining me on this new journey of myself. Feel free to bookmark and pass me along
Who knows, this may even become a book!

Lay Your Troubles Down...

At the start of yesterday, I was in a foul, foul mood. I was sort of headachy, very tired, and irritated. Everything I picked up, I seemed to drop - I couldn't get moving..and I was still irrittated about the events the night before.

I walk in to church, and that all goes away.  The beautiful music, the sermon, and prayers..By the end of the service I have a new lightnes of heart and there are literally tears in my eyes. That has only happened to me one other time in church before. The last time that happened, was at Camp Meeting last year...Seven was performing and Melanie was talking, and I just started to tear up. The feeling was undescribable. I had the same sort of feeling yesterday during Pastor John's sermon. I'm listening to him speak, and all of the sudden I start to get that strange feeling and everything got fuzzy, except the Pastor, and tears start welling up. I don't even know...it was just a release. I can't describe it or why it happened, other than it was something I really needed to hear at that time.

(About the crying thing, the funny thing is "Seven" is a praise band based out of the church I now attend. I didn't know that, when we started going to this church! That is the mystery/beauty of God for sure!)

The sermon was about Salvation, and what we need to do to be saved. It was about taking that one step, that is specifically tailored to you, to take a step with Christ. I'm sure everyone feels this way at sometimes, but I swear it was as if Pastor John was talking specifically to me. In these days of my life that is hectic, and crazy, and I can't even think clearly, but I have this burning in my heart to be close with Jesus - knowing, it's just one step to be with Christ, one perfectly attainable step, perfectly tailored for me step - it's a real releif.

If you'd like to read Pastor John's sermon, its HERE . 

After church, Jon and Sara and I ended up at Ikea (this is becoming a habit, but a fun one). We walked around Ikea for 3 hours. I got lots of fun ideas for what I want to do in my studio. I've come up with a color scheme I'm going to do through out,  (butter cream yellow, with accents of kelly green and red).  I want to change out my desk, for a smaller - secretary style one. I'm going to get some of those box looking shelves, to go on the top of my partion to the celing, kind of giving it a full wall. I also am looking at trading out my entertainment center for a smaller Hutch style one. Those are some ideas anyway. I managed to escape Ikea, with a can of green stain (to do my corner hutch), and a sore knee - otherwise unscathed. Well, when we got to the car, Jon  had to put down the seat next to me, (which ended up being a seat and a half!) to put a big picture in the trunk - and I was squashed in there so much I really couldn't move my lower body at all. I also was squashed up in such a way, that I had to sort of lean foreward to not knock my head off!  We were all laughing so hard, that I thought we were all going to die...and at one point, when Sara was cracking up, I reached around her, and said "Hey do you need me to drive?" and my arms were quite close to being able to reach the steering wheel!! That set off a whole 'nother round of giggles. I'm laughing as I type this even! Heehee.

In on of our chair and couch testing moments, Sara and I were talking about the 'perfect' person for me, and apparently its a SDA guy, who is a farmer-type who wants children, and lives some where near enough to Puyallup that we can raise our kids together...so if anyone knows anyone.... haha!

Today is one of those rainy cloudy days, but I don't feel depressed. Going to relax at home today, and do some of my Bible Study Homework.

Just pass the chocolate...and back away slowwwly!

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have mostly been, "Hi My name Is Grumpy McHormone!" days...the best few highlights of them have been:


1)The lovely news about holiday weight maintainment! (Is 'maintainment' even a word? Hmm...Well, it is now!)

2)Having Anne Marie around to have someone WW-Speak with! It's so nice to have someone inspiring like her in my life.

3) Talking about NaNoWriMo manuscripts with Summer. Maaaaan. Is it November yet? Can I get my "Its Okay to be absolutely ape-cookies insane for a whole month" pass yet?

4) Talking to my Brother-in-Bluegrass-Seahawks-and-Hair-Products, Jim Darlin on the phone! I've missed our crazy chats :)

Sunday, on the other hand was absolutely awesome!

Well, Sunday evening (I don't remember much about the day its self...maybe I cleaned house...?) was absolutely awesome! Sunday night found me at my favorite local pub, sharing a couple of pints with someone who is very near and dear to my heart. I hadn't seen them in a while, so it was absolutely great to be able to sit and catch up on each others lives. Hearing about their wonderful vacation, really made me itch to go on vacation...hmmm. AND I got a present! I am the proud owner of the most fantastic pair of earrings in the world!

See for yourself:

(excuse the bad cell phone camera, and my netbook, and classy farm decor place mats!)

Marilyn Monroe earrings! And COLORFUL, eclectic ones at that. I mean, do they know me, or what? The more time I spend with this person, the more I am absolutely amazed! That seriously made my whole year! :)

I'm also finding that it is really fun to spend time with someone who talks as much as I do! :). By the time we left, we were pretty much the only two people left IN the pub (Besides the proprietors!). Definitely one of the best nights I've had in a long time! Besides the part where I am a spaz and knocked over an empty glass with my elbow...and watched in horrified slow motion as it shattered on the ground. It feels like summer in my heart...now if the weather would only catch up!

I Say A Little Prayer For You

For those who have known me more than a minute and a half, you'll know that I have a great dislike for people who tend to be unnecessarily rude. To be quite honest, they just plain drive me banana sandwich. For example, this morning, I am sitting in the window seat of the bus, and scrunched over as far as I possibly can be. Well this girl gets on the bus, and flomps down in the seat next to me, and as she did so, she swung her bag in a way that it crashed into my arm/elbow on her way down. I don't know what she was carrying in there maybe a huge cinder block or something, but it was hard enough to leave a bruise on my arm. I look at her, and she looks at me for a half second, and then turns away. No apology, not even the 'oops' face. There is no way that this girl could have NOT felt the impact from her bag hitting me.

Here is where I'm finding my time with Jesus is doing some great changes in my life.

Normally, I would have said "Oh excuse me!" In a voice that sounded like, "Thanks for making a dent in my arm with your heavy fricking bag, lady!". This time, I did one of my therapy breaths, and instead - I said a prayer for her and then I said one for me. I felt much better afterward.

Same thing with people on the phone at work. There are times when people call in on the phone, and are already swinging at you. They are short with you, yell at you, call you names, down your intelligence, or plain hang up on you. Some days it's all I can do to NOT be like, "Excuse me, I don't know if you know this or not, but we have never met before, and I am NOT the cause of your issues, so could you please talk to me like a fellow human being?." Again I'm learning to take a deep breath, say a prayer to myself, and let it go.

This is something I've found myself doing more and more lately. Instead of getting mad, which just turns into a downward spiral of irritation and turns me into "Samantha and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day", I take a breath and say a prayer.

I'm finding myself praying all the time these days.

It's a good turn in my life, and definitely is helping my blood pressure!


(by the way, I really love run on sentences)

5 Things That Inspire Me

1. Water - Anytime I am feeling stressed, blocked or empty (whether emotionally or creatively), all I ever need to do is go somewhere where there is water. Ocean, lake, stream it doesn't matter. I draw energy and serenity from it. I don't know about the rest of you, but some of my best ideas and solutions appear to me in the shower.

2. Biographies and Autobiographies - Reading about other people's lives and stories, never fail to help inspire mine. That is why my favorite movies are also 'inspired by a true story'.

3. Bluegrass Music - I know some people find it cheezy and all, but I love it. Nothing speaks to me like a good old bluegrass gospel song. For me, it's like a band-aid to the soul.

4. A long meandering walk - A good walk where I just really LOOK at things, can really open my eyes to a new situation, and see things in a way I never would have thought about before.

5. People Watching - Like many here, I am a writer, and watching people can open up a whole new aspect of your stories. I love to watch people, hear their convos, see how they dress and how they interact with others. A lot of my dialogue or settings have come from such encounters.